I’m not sure what it is that is seething within my soul but I’ve been feeling this strong sense of the need for authenticity, be it around me, in the people I meet, or within me.
Being away from home and being surrounded by unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar accents and trying hard to integrate into a new culture is perhaps having that effect on me – feeling a greater longing for what is real, what is true and what is lasting. I see faces different from my own, people from all around the world collected within a common sphere that challenges my way of thoughts, my attitude and sometimes my narrowmindedness. Sometimes it’s exhilarating, sometimes it is tiring. I play like a boy, but feel like a girl and more often than not, I feel the struggle of being alone with God in dealing with all these mixed emotions. Often, people tell me that being away from home makes them draw near to God even more. I’m guessing that, stripped of all the distractions and regular noises in one’s life, forces a person to realign and relook at his/her life. I know I am not alone, but often when I struggle with what I feel, that certainly isn’t the case.
Longing for authenticity in a new city.
Often I look around me and I see people with a veneer over them – people trying to hide behind a facade. Today, a friend showed me a different side of the Melbourners when I hung out with him. Where he chose to be friendly first, people responded in delight. A city where everybody, like me, longs for authenticity, a friendly smile and a caring touch.
Perhaps therefore the one who hasn’t been authentic is me and perhaps the one with the veneer is me. What am I really afraid of or trying to be?
Maybe that’s why I had to pick out a bunch of wild flowers today from the Market. Wild flowers, oh unrestrained au naturale-ness.
How I long for more of Thee.