Where are the good men, really.


It gladdens my heart to see men blog about spiritual growth. Their own. Along with the struggles of living up to what they believe in and practically living out the faith. I’ve been reading blog such as timbob and hikerdude and am glad to see there is hope in our Christian men. Thanks brothers. Often, the ones I’ve met seem reluctant to live out their faith, or fun first, faith later, or those who liken being childlike in Jesus to being immature and irresponsible, hence refusing to grow up.

Is there hope in our Christian brothers? I’m heartened to see that those in my own small group are consistent in their faith, aligned in thoughts and deeds. As far as I can see anyway but I do hold them in high regard. Thank you brothers, for showing us girls what men ought to be like! To take lead, take charge, and protect the dames, not hurt them, for being responsible in words and in deeds.

I met up with a gal friend yesterday, who no longer wholeheartedly subscribe to God’s call for us to ‘equally yoked’ in an exclusive relationship with the other sex. Her reasons? It is precisely the Christian men we have to be wary of, those who prey on women by hopping from church to church. Those who are really wolves but know the exact fit of sheep’s clothing to wear, to behave. Her conclusion? Christian men are no better than nonbelievers. Sometimes even worse. She has a nonbelieving friend, divorced, who goes out with married men, one of whom is a pastor.

Men, are you in church for the right reasons? Do you know your God-given responsibilities as men?

Does that sharing scare me? I’d be lying if I say no. Does that make me lose hope in the faith or God? Definitely no.

“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, For the help of His presence.” Psalm 42:5

Fact is, every man has the potential to fail us women. Pastor, pastor’s son, holy man, yogi, whatever! We all need God, and we all need His strength to go on in our journey. Nobody can claim to be holier or be seen to be holier except Jesus. All of us fall way short of His glory.

Ultimately, we will come to a place where we’re in an exclusive relationship simply cos we want to give, and to see the other person grow in faith, the same way as our Father chose to give sacrificially, unconditionally to us. A love that is not hindered by the fear that this person will fail us, nor see his faith as an instrument of control for his fallen nature and behaviour.

Our faith doesn’t control us – it liberates us to love, and not hurt too much when others fail us.


19 thoughts on “Where are the good men, really.

  1. crazzilla

    Though I find minor relevancy in your blog, you paint a less than attractive picture of what Christianity is all about. Sure, you may have bad experiences with men, but in no circumstance is that any good reason to portray church as a place of wolves in any unbelievers that you may have just made turn away.

    Was it really worth the ranting to paint this ugly picture of the church? I think not.

  2. crazzilla

    Further more, we are all children of god. Where are the good men? Who are you to be a judge? Really?

    If I was a non-believer I am so sure after reading this negatively speaking blog I would be racing to the church to get shoved in the water.

    There is a reason you are told to share and rejoice in Gods love and power. Not whine like a little school girl.

  3. You do realise that I was not condemning all men, did you? But to ask our men to come and take their real place with Him.

    Every woman needs discernment. I was merely citing a friend’s example. Did I lose hope in Him? Nope. I stated that clearly.

    What I’m saying is, being a Christian doesn’t make you a better man. But I certainly hope that because of His grace, Christian men will seek Him even more deeply to become more of who they are meant to be.

    And by the way, we are not called to judge the world, but we are expected to ‘judge’ the church! I didn’t really realise until I read this years back: http://paulpetersonlive.com/2007/08/01/judging-in-the-church/

  4. crazzilla

    Look, I don’t doubt that you had perfectly good intentions with all of this. But I can tell you without a doubt, you painted a picture that number one had me instantly thinking…….don’t go to church because it sounds like crap….two, men suck. Where are all the good men?

    Where are all the women who don’t write stereo typical crap? Would that not be the better question? I am thinking that you most likely are going to fail to see the point here. When you judge your church expect them to judge you too then right? And further more judge your church, but not openly in public.

  5. crazzilla

    Picture yourself being the non-believer. One fine evening you decided something was missing in your life. You had heard it was God. So you decided to read up a bit, and to find what it was all about.

    You open up a blog, and low and behold you find out that church is a place where men bounce around to find women. Regular little pimps those church goers are you think.

    I am just asking you to take a look at what you are writing and always be thinking of the impressions you are leaving.

    We both have one common goal. That is to bring ourselves, and everyone around us to God. If you are writing things that are negative about his church, chances are you are not going to achieve that goal. Be the non-believer. Hear what they need to hear and then write it. But for goodness sakes, don’t paint the picture of a bathhouse at church.

  6. wawam: It may not apply to most of the men you and I know but I’m not surprise that this is true either.

    I’m just asking for women to exercise discernment even when meeting men in Church, and not think that as long as he is a Christian, that means he’s ok!

  7. crazzilla: thanks for your notes. I did consider non-believers reading it. Note also that examples cited arose from a conversation with a friend, who brought that up, having first person encounters.

    I’m asking women to exercise discernment even with Christian men for no man is infallible. Jesus came to heal the sick, save the immoral. I don’t think the Church is made up of good people but simply redeemed people, people who are badly in need of His salvation (you, me, all of us).

    You can call this a rant but I really hope to see a church of men who are willing to step up and take charge, take lead.

  8. crazzilla

    Any particular reason why you were only addressing the women like the men are the only culprits? Exactly. lol

    Accept it, ya just ain’t right.

  9. crazzilla

    Where are all the good men, in reference to church.

    Ya, you really painted a picturesque setting that people are going to flock too. lol Goodnight lady. lol

  10. crazzilla

    Obviously I wasn’t the only one that it disturbed.

    Where are all the good men?

    Maybe you wanna think about yourself and why you can’t seem to attract one. hmmmm…..

    That’s enough with the gouges for one night christian lady. I see you are deeply rooted in your faith.

    So much so I got you rattled enough to judge me over the internet. lol

    Get real. lol

  11. Not rattled enough to lose my good sense, brother.

    If there is no grain of truth, my sisters would not be lamentating. Although we acknowledge, fairly speaking, we have our own set of Eve-given flaws to be redeemed.

    Well it’s my blog after all, and now you have had your say.

    Again, if there’s no grain of truth, you’re more than welcome to diss this, and toss this aside.

    But if there is, I hope you’ll either reflect on it, or encourage your brothers to live authentic lives in Him.

  12. “I’m just asking for women to exercise discernment even when meeting men in Church, and not think that as long as he is a Christian, that means he’s ok!”

    it is NOT the same to warn women about being careful with men they meet versus saying men move from church to church to pick up women.

    you are being very irresponsible in writing about ridiculous stereotypes.

    you did not ask women to exercise discerment, you gave hasty generalizations about men who go to church.

  13. azaria

    Wow! Really a lot of comments…

    Knowing you, it wasn’t written with a condemnatory attitude at men. but more of a “tongue-in-cheek” way of asking a sincere question.

    And earnestly, even at face value, I don’t think if I’m a girl wondering if I should date a Christian guy, I’ll be so stumbled to think that ALL Christian guys are wolves in sheeps clothing.

  14. MK

    I think.. you are Right… and i definitely know where you are coming from… And most of the time there really is something which men don’t do often enough.. and its to say sorry.

    I had to struggle through that for many years to learn, and where there is hurt there is grace from the sisters as well.. So thank you for that.

    Let’s spur each other on to the good fight in the end. (How ironic the term fight..)

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