Diary entries

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Snippets of my week:

18 Jul (weds)
Ian was feverish but still came to the shop to help out. He left before I came. Sis said he left cos he’s sick. Ian, sick? Never. Can’t be. This iron man is hardly ever ill. The words we use to describe him so easily: tough, loud, bold, rude, coarse. I called him to check on him. He actually sounded mild for once. I got worried. In my head: Ian must be really sick.

19 Jul (thurs), Bible Study.
Marcus got us together to be still and seek God for 15 mins, using that time to ask Him about certain decisions that we have to make in our life. I decided to just use the time to talk to God. During that time, I sought God on a few matters that I’ve been mulling over in my head for many times with no real answers. I was there with expectation but God gave me something else. God asked me a really hard question instead. Something He asked me before recently and I couldn’t really answer Him. He asked: if I were to take away your family and friends and all that you have, will you still love Me? A well within me broke. I couldn’t bring any answer to my lips except that God, You give me the strength to say yes. It was exceptionally hard to answer because alot of my family members have yet to accept Him as Saviour in their lives. Wondered to self: maybe should buy some herbal tea and bring over to his place. Wonder who takes care of him when he’s ill (i mean, is he ever ill????). Rethink again to self: better not. His family already wonders why Allie and I can go over his house so late!

20 Jul (fri). At the shop.
Busying with last minute preparations to ensure the shop looks complete. Felt restless. Super tired. Messaged Ian about borrowing his van. No reply.

21 Jul (sat)
Day was packed. 9am – 3pm: Worship & Music Ministry retreat. Reached home at 4pm. Took 1 hr to focus on Cleansing Stream homework. Snoozed at 5. Zone Praise Night at Third Place from 8 – 10pm. 2 hours of pure worship, singing and dancing unto the Lord. I encountered God again in so many ways. He spoke into my heart: Go forth in faith. I will heal you (a particular area in my life). Again and again, God encouraged my faith in Him. I was still feeling super tired and restless. Messaged Ian in the afternoon about his drill charger. No reply.

22 Jul (sun)
I can only say this: Allie, it was not easy at all hearing those words from you. Even if I were to utter them myself, I would have real difficulty doing that. Thank you for being the one to call.

***

Allow me a bit of quirk that I have with numbers (think of the movie 23) if you may.

A particular verse that I shared with my sister because of her fascination with 111’s that got me somewhat hooked.

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

Our shop is 111 Emerald Hill Road.

Ian’s office address unit number is #01-11.

A verse that is best suited for him right now is:

“They will perish, but you remain;
they will all wear out like a garment.”
Hebrews 1:11

God has been speaking to me about faith the whole week. Ian’s name in Chinese is faith. Mine is grace. I believe God gave us our names and put us together as friends for a reason. He was not only a good friend but my business consultant in so many ways. Right now even as I write this, I feel a little lost even though at the back of my mind I know God will direct my ways through Him and Him alone. I hope I too left Ian something. At the very least, I know he saw a purity in me that I never really knew.

Ian, dead? Quite impossible. His passion for life will live in all our hearts. The Ian we know is very much alive, not just in our hearts but with Christ Jesus our Lord. The man I know who never seem to fear anything. You have planted a seed of courage in me to live dangerously. Thank you, my friend. Because of His gift of eternity, life is but a split second. I’ll see you again in a minute then. 

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