too many thoughts

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When I was an infant Christian, bursting with joy to share the Good News of the Lord, I remember the challenges that I faced and the disappointments I went through. Some thoughts that went through my head: Isn’t the Good News VERY clear? Why can’t people see how their life begins and ends with Christ and Christ alone? Don’t they know Christ is the ONLY one they need in this world? And I remember how I’d get really upset when people don’t receive the news but sneer at it, try to challenge it logically in futility or just treat ME like a blabbering fool.


I’ve since learnt that I’ve taken alot of things personally when I shouldn’t. Yes, I am my faith in God because God has given me my identity. But the rejection of His Word is not against me but I took it so. The reality of it is that they rejected HIM. Who ought to feel disappointed, discouraged, upset, frustrated? Him. But I did too. And maybe it’s no wonder either. Sometimes we feel what He feels but always a mere portion of it. His ways are higher than mine; His thoughts higher than mine. Hence, I’m assuming He feels alot more emotionally than I do too. Super magnified, super amplified.

But He never gives up on us. And neither should we on others that we love.

***

I’ve been swamped emotionally lately. Actually it’s been more like emotional bombardment. I feel like I’ve been attacked from all angles and each time I cling harder to God, another wave comes along. And how do they come in? Disappointment in somebody close, hurtful, thoughtless and mean words from a friend, plus alot of pre-conceived ideas about what people are thinking about me (which I’m certain happens ONLY in my head).

There was a point whereby I felt, hey why do I need relationship with other people anyway? Just me and God. That’s good enough. No hurt, no pain, no disappointments….none of all that. Then I read this:

Eve is God’s relational specialist given to the world to keep relationship a priority.

Men have a way of letting these things slip. They’ll go months without checking in on the health of their relationships. Years, even…Our enemy despises relationship, hates love in any form, fears its redemptive power. This is why God sent Eve. Women are needed to protect relationships, bring them back to center stage where they belong. You might at times feel like the only one who cares. But as women we must hang onto this – that because of the Trinity, relationship is the most important thing in the universe.

– excerpt from Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge

How that excerpt just stopped me in my place. Don’t we always forget how close our enemy is? As God is as close as our breath, so is he who is of this world: “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” – 1 Peter 5:8

***

Have you lost your temper lately? Have you been rude to somebody without even realising it? Have you spoken words in jest without meaning any of it and then bear regrets? Have you apologised to somebody over the same issue many folds over? Have you given somebody half your attention but are not really there for the person?

We often put only half of our heart into the things that we do when our flesh is weak: when we’re tired, ill, stressed, anxious, and our mind is filled with many distractions and temptations. Doesn’t it feel as if you always rub people the wrong way when your flesh is in the above condition?

“Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” – Matthew 26:41

***

I can’t end this post right. Somehow I feel like I’ve been gulping down lies about myself and have been believing them. I need to take this to God right now. Excuse me while I sort myself out.

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7 thoughts on “too many thoughts

  1. cumby

    We feel the rejection of others because He lives within us by His Spirit. Since we and Christ are one, we feel His hurts and He feels ours.

  2. Hey babe, just wanna drop you a lil’ encouragement. just as how you’ve been encouraging me. =)

    Not sure exactly what it is that is bringing you down but from your post, i gather it could be people? their words? actions? if i guessed correctly, i just wanna say wrt people, it is never an easy thing to deal with. but thank God for giving us these opportunity to learn that we should always be careful and loving in the things we say cos we have experienced first hand how words uttered in jest and thoughtless actions could bring much pain and hurt? if we have nv experienced these, i guess we will never know and be careful in our interactions with others.

    don’t let a moment of folly on your loved ones’ part overshadow their genuine and true love and concern for you ya? i am sure despite some seemingly judgmental comments, their love for you will never change.

    someone once told me that through these experiences of being hurt by our loved ones, God is giving us a glimpse of just how He is pained by our sins. quite a thought to ponder on eh? =)

    love you girl. hang in there ya? praying for you here in melbby, -hugs-

  3. In His Grace, it sounds like the enemy is really giving you a hard time on many fronts. 😦
    Be encouraged and hang on to Jesus! He loves you and is so very faithful!

    Bless you!

    Susan

  4. “I’ve since learnt that I’ve taken alot of things personally when I shouldn’t. ”

    That is hard- but it is something we should expect to happen (often). I am just glad Christ still suffered for us despite our rejection of Him. 🙂

  5. thanks to everybody for leaving comments. i’m feeling better right now and have done all the rebuking against the enemy that was necessary. blessed week ahead to all 🙂

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