it dawned upon me that when guys get molested, they exclaim about it to people that they know, feel grossed out about it and let it pass. however when it happens to a girl, she tends to shut up about it, feel ashamed and hope nobody will ever find out. because the first question she might get will be ‘so what were you wearing?’. and to think i just read this blog entry today about girls and modesty in dressing.
for the record, i was wearing a black tee and 3/4 cropped jeans today. in fact it was one of those no-brainer attire just for the sake of being clothed. had to take a train to church for a talk. it was peak hour and it was horrendously cramped. i missed 4 buses to get to the train station cos i had to meet somebody and pass her her stuff. if only i had been able to get on the bus early. so many if only’s that only He can answer.the train was crammed full. this bunch of people at city hall decided to squeeze themselves in even though the train was horrendously filled up already. usually guys who had to stand right behind a girl would always observe a decent amount of space between themselves and the girl. even though it may seem like an impossible task this time, i’m sure all it takes is a slight adjustment of a guy’s facing. well it didn’t happen for this guy behind me. this indian guy with lime green punjabi like attire, with a big belly, carrying a laptop bag, clean shaven with his hair neatly combed back and tied up. no. he was way too close to me. and i felt something. something i shouldn’t feel. and i got horribly uncomfortable. all that i had in my head was, i need to move away from him. i need to tilt my angle. cos he was directly behind me.
2 stations down, the mass of people cleared. swiftly i moved away from him. yet somehow, even with the new swamp of people, he was behind me again. it was really unbearable. i think it was at this point that i started praying. and i kept my elbow out behind me to try to draw an impossible distance that didn’t happen. until i felt something move behind me. that was when i really lost it and didn’t care anymore, turned around and said ‘i’m sorry but you have to move away from me’. nevermind it was in front of everybody. nevermind that i really didn’t need to apologise but i did. i just wanted him AWAY from me.
when i got to church, i broke down completely. why are there such horrible people in the world? who look decent and yet do such horrible things? who get a cheap thrill out of stuff like that. why did i have to miss 4 buses and go through this? why are trains so nonsensically packed?
and even amidst tears, i know this isn’t part of God’s plan at all. everything started when sin was etched upon the flesh of men. in our fallen state, lust has substituted love. lust has distorted love in so many ways. and God showed me how ugly lust is. how tormented by lust (and sin) men are. how it is so far from what He wants for us. and i am no less guilty of sins which are equally abhorrent in His eyes. even as i forgave the man and asked the Lord to forgive him and bring him to the Lord eventually, i also prayed that His justice be done.
it is so easy sometimes to just say that what we wear stumble men. i’m not sure i can say that is what happened today except really, the sinful nature of men. yes sometimes we stumble men in the way we dress and we don’t know it. yet at other times, we cannot fully comprehend the evil thoughts of men in their flesh. and we cannot fully fathom where your imagination may lead you. a girl may wear a potato sack and a guy may still hold secret unholy thoughts about her in him. we cannot shoulder the blame if you men stumble – you choose the action to take. but that being said, we will also take responsibility to dress modestly to the best of our knowledge and let the wisdom of our Lord guide us in that area.
so should i feel ashamed and not speak out? i will not. because i really didn’t think i dressed anything less than appropriate today. and speak i will because i will speak against the evil of men and with that, i will praise my Lord, that through Him, sin can be conquered, and only through Him can we be washed as white as snow.
“Come now, let’s settle this,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.
I will no longer hesitate for too long to ask a guy to move away from me. I have every right to.