sell fish nest

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sorry i’m singaporean, that was rather singlish. actually what i wanna talk about is selfishness.i remember reading an article on URBAN, Straits Times on men with crazy girlfriends and how glad they are to have rid themselves of these girls. behaviours such as checking their emails, sms, friendster, phonebook etc drove them batty and they decided the girl’s gotta go. no, i’m not gonna say that that is being selfish but rather i’d tell you men out there that your gal behaved that way in reflection to something you did before, are doing and will continue to do. that behaviour must have somehow reflected a certain sense of irresponsibility and yes selfishness.

selfishness has no place in a truly committed relationship. in the same way fleas have no rightful place on kitties (sorry i do choose the queerest analogies at times). yet the truth is, most people don’t know why they get into relationships. they don’t know where they are heading and they don’t see any real goal, any real end. i’m happy to know at least one guy exists who went into a relationship wanting marriage as an end (Aly & JL, i’ll see you fri :). thank God at least one of such men exists. which means there may be more. which means also that there is hope still. for those of you who get into relationship not knowing where you’re bumming your way to, thinking that there is no work required, and that Heaven will just smile at you and fawn you with pleasures aplenty, well think again.

you may not think so right now and you may defiantly retort that this statement isn’t true but fact is that you people who get into relationships without wanting to commit, or wanting a nice walk down the aisle at the end of it is being plain selfish. yes i repeat, SELFISH. true, all men are selfish, all men work for themselves, backstab somebody for their own gain in a company, fight another off for his own surival. however when it means another person involved, i think selfish can be written as SELFISH instead, as a slap sticker right across one’s forehead. yes i can kind of picture that on alot of people right now but i’ll leave that for my own fantasy.

why do i so boldly declare that such people are being plain selfish? because they get into a relationship for one or more of these reasons:

* to fill up that feeling of loneliness
* to feel that nice feeling that comes with being with somebody
* to make up their own inadequacies
* to help them with their chores that they hate to do
* to have somebody to hang out with on weekends
* to have somebody to do anything together
* to warm their bed
* i’m sure there are more that just isn’t at the top of my head

aren’t these just plain selfish reasons? cos in other words (or to put rather bluntly), selfish people get into relationships because they made use of their partners to satisfy their own (yes selfish) need. which pretty much makes your partner more an object than a person really. and have you ever noticed your exboyfriend giving you things, or doing things for you and expecting things in return? yes i think that is selfishness too, attaching an expectation with every gift. not out of pure love from the heart but more of an exchange of commodity, trade off of service of sorts. it tears away the fundamental of love, the art of giving for simply the sake of love and simply giving because you so love the person you simply want him/her blessed.

we’re called to give and expect nothing in return, just as God loves us with all His heart that He sent Jesus to die for us that we may be reunited with Him and have eternal life in Heaven instead of Hell. He loves us and gave us first even before we were born because He made us into being, even as many of us refuse to acknowledge his gift of salvation in Jesus Christ.

‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’ – Acts 20:35

on hindsight, perhaps if i have read Joshua Harris’s book earlier instead of giving it out, then I (would have) Kissed Dating Goodbye too and save myself unnecessary heartache, to wait for the one who will treasure my heart instead of trashing it as he pleases.

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